New Year’s Eve is almost always a bust. You can spend months planning your night only to end up at some lame party like New Year’s Fore Play at a club like Styxxx. Anyone would drink in that situation! You’d have to just to make it tolerable!
And the stakes are real, as New Yorker Alexis can attest. She says, “I relapsed on New Year’s Eve of 2010, so I realize I have to be vigilant around the holidays.”
That said, just because you don’t imbibe doesn’t mean you can’t have fun on New Year’s Eve. Put on your sparkly dress, get crunk on energy drinks—and listen up! Instead of paying $50 to be in a loud club awash with glowsticks and ecstasy, check out these fun, booze-free Dec. 31 alternatives.
Alcathons are 24-hour marathon meetings held in one space, so that people have somewhere to go while “normies” are having their Champagne toasts.
Go to an alcathon
“Alcathon” is another one of those made-up AA words, like “uncomfortability.” So what is it? Though geographical regions disagree on how it’s spelled (alcathon vs. alkathon), everyone can agree that it’s an essential tool for staying sober during the holidays. Alcathons are 24-hour marathon meetings held in one space, so that people have somewhere to go while “normies” are having their Champagne toasts.
In New York City, there will be one at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, 275 North 8th Street, Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Meetings start at noon on the 31st and run hourly until noon on New Year’s Day. Click here for more alcathon options around the country.
Get down at a sober dance
While sober dances might sound a little lame—a bunch of non-drinkers hanging out in an auditorium like in high school?—we can assure you that the annual SoHo New Year’s Eve Party is not like that at all. The event includes a three-speaker meeting, dinner and masquerade ball. The website claims that DJs start “grooving” at 9pm, which might trigger your Lame-o-Meter—but Brooklynite Shannon says, “The SoHo dance is a rager. If you’re not there to dance, you should go somewhere else. It’s a sweat box of furtive glances at the dude you think is cute in your regular meetings.” Church of St. Anthony of Padua, 154 Sullivan St. (at Houston), Manhattan, 7:30pm–2am, $10–$15. Click here for more sober dance options.
Chill out with some yoga and meditation
The holiday season is always stressful, what with buying presents, visiting family, making plans—and not having enough cash for any of it. Not to mention that 2012 was a prickly year where we endured difficult events together as a nation. Shake all that off and practice some 11th-step meditation to ensure that 2013 is more centered.
Against the Stream Buddhist Meditation Center in Los Angeles is hosting a two-and-a-half-hour New Year’s Eve meditation and intention setting with Dharma Punx founder Noah Levine. That probably sounds really intimidating—but basically it means setting your goals for the new year. Center Director Mary Stancavage says, “This is open to anyone, and we have people come for New Year’s who have never meditated before. It’s helpful to ring in the new year this way because the meditation helps you connect with what’s really important on the inside—and setting an intention to honor that seems kinder than making resolutions. You can’t break an intention.” And you don’t have to be Buddhist for this non-denominational meditation. 4300 Melrose Ave., 10pm–12:30am, $20 suggested donation, but all are welcome. Click here for more yoga and meditation options.
Laugh a little
Life on life’s terms can be a bummer sometimes. You might think that just because you’ve gotten sober, you’re impervious to things like bedbugs, car accidents and the flu. That just ain’t true. But one thing that is true is that these things can be less of a big deal—especially if you’re able to laugh at them and enjoy yourself. Because you’re not here to be miserable anymore.
Angelenos can check out sober comedian Rob Delaney, of Twitter fame, at the Hollywood Improv. 8162 Melrose Ave., $35 for standard admission or $70 for VIP, which includes a three-course dinner.
If you’re in Northern California, The Sunflower Center, a community organization and vegan cafe, will host Funny Vibes, a free comedy and reggae New Year’s Eve show. “On a night when people are traditionally partying their hearts out, we want to help them celebrate their sobriety,” says the Center’s Chey Bell. There will be a midnight toast with the cafe’s signature drink, an organic hot ginger lemonade. 1435 N. McDowell Blvd., Petaluma, Calif., (707) 792-5300 or info@thesunflowercenter.org, 8pm–1am, FREE.
Hang out in Old Hollywood
Engaging in the “Three Ms” of sobriety (movies, meetings and, well—ask your sponsor), will help you survive sobriety’s nail-biting times, so head to the movies this New Year’s Eve. Don your pearls and cigarette holder, get your guy to put on his tux and head over to Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, where they’ll be showing the 1960 Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine picture, The Apartment. One of AFI’s Top 100 films, The Apartment is the funny yet heartbreaking story of a poor schlub who’s trying to win over the most wonderful woman in town. The event also features a five-course dinner, and the staff is happy to accommodate dietary needs—as well as substitute sober options for the drink pairings. 320 E. 6th St., Austin, (512) 476-1320, free parking, 6:30pm, $75.
Lace up your roller skates
If you live in Minneapolis, check out the Pride Institute’s Rollerdome Sober New Year’s Eve, sponsored by GLBT in Recovery. Admission gets you skate rental, snacks and free parking. 900 S. 5th St., 9:30pm–12:30am, $5.
Get cultured
Getting sober is about trying new things and figuring out who you are. The world is your oyster! While “New Year’s Eve” and “ballet” aren’t usually words you hear in the same sentence, this Dec. 31, the Boston Ballet hosts a performance of The Nutcracker at The Boston Opera House. 539 Washington St., (617) 695-6955, 7:30pm, tickets start at $35.
Sounding exceptionally Portlandia-y, the Portland Art Museum will host the Inspire Truth music and performance-art event on New Year’s Eve. Its hosts say, “Together we cultivate the joy, heart and love that we wish to bring into the new year. You are invited to dance and rejoice with our creative family. A stunning, art-filled and transformative environment will inspire clarity of intent fueled by joyful celebration and the danciest dance music in the galaxy.” Portland Art Museum, Mark Building, 1119 SW Park Ave., (971) 230-1808, 9pm–4:30am, $55–$125.
The great thing about a DIY NYE is that you get to choose your company. You don’t have to be surrounded by sweaty douchebags or drunk weirdos.
You want to add more “performance art” into your repertoire? If you’re in Chicago, ring in the new year with the Blue Man Group. The amazing drum show also features a sparkling cider toast, a Blue Man Group countdown and a special rendition of “Auld Lang Syne” on their weird tubey drum things. At the very least, it will make you grateful you’re not contractually obligated to paint your skin blue. 3133 N. Halsted St., 10pm, tickets start at $55.
Eat some foods
Everything is more clear when you’re sober. The sky looks more blue and food even tastes better! Head to a huge dinner this New Year’s and order several courses because you can enjoy it now like you didn’t before. Especially dessert! Gorge yourself now because the resolutions start in the morning! Restaurants like Acme, 9 Great Jones St. in Manhattan, offer special New Year’s Eve tasting menus, which include five courses for $70/person. Or, get some friends together and head to Roberta’s, 261 Moore St., for the best pizza and organic food in Brooklyn.
Get your hustle on
If you’re sober and clearheaded on New Year’s, you’re in the minority—which means you have a marketable skill. So make some bank. Kelly, of Brooklyn, says she will be spending her New Year’s Eve babysitting—for $500! It’s a great night to be a waiter or maybe even start your own small business. Think of all the people who will need designated drivers. Start your own cab company, advertise it on Facebook and make a killing!
Host your own party
And if none of this appeals to you, then just host your own party! The great thing about a DIY NYE is that you get to choose your company. You don’t have to be surrounded by sweaty douchebags or drunk weirdos if you don’t want to be. Throw together some mocktails, make plenty of hor d’oeuvres (might we suggest this caramelized onion and goat cheese crostini?) and you’ll be golden. Make sure to turn the lights down low, the music up—and put on that sparkly dress, dammit! Oh, and if AAs are gonna be around, you better brew some coffee!
In Seattle, the Phoenix Club will host their New Year’s Eve Alkathon beginning at 5pm on Dec. 31 and continuing until 5pm on Jan. 1, at 15011 Aurora Ave N. in Shoreline. For a complete list of Seattle’s meeting, visit this site.
Albuquerque is a cool town with a jam-packed alcathon, featuring a potluck dinner, dance, breakfast, several meetings, Spanish and English translation, child care and a raffle. Dec. 31, 4pm–midnight, and Jan. 1, 7:30–10:30am. 1801 Montano Road NW.
Sobes in Omaha, New Mexico, can hit a New Year’s Eve dance and alcathon combo. A fusion, if you will. There will be meetings on the hour, with the dance from 9pm–1am. Free coffee, food and snacks will be provided. 3534 S. 108th St., 6pm Dec. 31 until 6pm Jan. 1.
Floridians can check out Palm Beach County Intergroup’s alcathon beginning at 1pm on Dec. 31st and running until 11:45 am on New Year’s Day. 1371 Okeechobee Rd., (561) 655-5700.
If you live in Maui, A) lucky you, and B) there’s a New Year’s Alkathon at the Cameron Center in Wailuku beginning at 3pm on New Year’s Eve and ending at 4pm the following day, with a New Year’s Day brunch at 1:30pm. Delish! 95 Mahalani St., (808) 244-5546.
There are sober dances throughout the country, even in Des Moines, Iowa. United Community Services is hosting Sober Under the Stars, which will feature a speaker meeting, food and dancing. Des Moines Botanical Center, 909 East River Dr., 7pm–1am, $5.
On the West Coast, celebrate New Year’s Eve at the Sober 70s party in San Francisco. There will be prizes for best 70s costumes and a cheap-ass raffle. A combined AA and Al-Anon meeting begins at 8pm, and the party starts at 9:30. Harvey Milk Civil Rights Academy, 4235 19th St., $10 in advance, $15 at the door.
Near Seattle, the Puget Sound Young People’s Council will host a New Year’s Eve sober bash, which will include an energy drink bar (because one great thing about being sober is getting high on caffeine!). 3560 W. Lake Sammamish Pkwy. SE, Issaquah, Wash., $15 in advance.
Austin’s Intergroup will host its 4th Annual Sober New Year’s Eve Party beginning at 7pm. The event will feature a potluck, two meetings and live music. Austin Variety Show Studio, Inside Highland Mall. 6001 Airport Blvd. #2010, $5.
More yoga and meditation options:
Yoga is a moving meditation—just ask your sponsor! Laughing Lotus yoga in NYC hosts its annual New Year’s Eve Spirit Dive, which includes a two-hour practice accompanied by a DJ. There will be cake and kombucha, should you chose to indulge. 636 Ave. of the Americas, (212) 414-2903, 10pm–midnight, $40 in advance or $50 at the door.
Strala Yoga, also in NYC, hosts a two-hour flow class, too, sans cake and kombucha. 632 Broadway, 6th fl., 10pm–midnight, $20.
LA’s Golden Bridge Yoga will be hosting a Kundalini yoga celebration with various yogis that used to have white people names but now have Indian names. Spend the evening talking about your “Intention Vortex” and the “Tribe of the Thousand Petal Lotus” and enjoy Indian cuisine and sweets from the Nite Moon Cafe. We mock, but it actually sounds really cool. 1357 N. Highland Ave., (323) 936-4172, doors at 8pm, $70.
Sue Smith is a comedic actor and writer in New York City. You can check out her web series, Brokelandia, at suelovessnacks.com.